Blog•
on February 24th, 2010•
I am watching friends and family members go through the redundancy process, or possible redundancy which seems almost worse. This is where you know redundancy is coming for some people in the team but you don’t know who is staying and who is going; or you know redundancy is probable but you don’t know when – like waiting for the axe to drop; or where amalgamation of companies means everyone must reapply for a shrinking number of jobs.
Each of these scenarios brings its own types of stress. At least when you know you are being made redundant and you know when, you have the chance to plan. Assuming of course the redundancy is a little way off. I completely understand the anger of people who arrive at work on a Monday morning and find the gate locked and they are redundant and I see this as heartless in the extreme. But when you have certainty, when you have a date to work towards, then you can feel more in control of your life. At that point so much depends on how you deal with it. Some put their head in the sand and hope it goes away. Some convince themselves there is nothing they can do, that they won’t find other work, and drop into a state of helplessness.
Others take action. By taking action they not only feel more in control, they are more in control. They don’t wait for redundancy. They discuss things with their family and develop a plan depending on various scenarios. They research and apply for jobs. They may ask themselves “Where to next?” and set about exploring options for their life that are quite different to anything they have done before.
And for some of these people they will look back on this redundancy as the best thing that ever happened to them. Made redundant from an uninspiring job, A. got the job of her dreams. Highly intelligent and very well qualified, S. left a pretty average-paying job and got a job that truly valued his skills, at almost double his previous pay. And M. is in the process of starting his own business – before the final day of work (a date that keeps changing) – he is energised, excited and feeling impatient for the old job to finish but needs that redundancy cheque so he will hang in there.
Blog•
on February 3rd, 2010•
I was thinking about what makes the relationship between my sister and me so strong. We certainly don’t live in each other’s pockets. With busy lives we may not even talk for a month. But I know that if I was in trouble she would be there for me and I am sure she knows that I would be there for her. We understand each other and we get on so well.
In a family of six – my parents, my two brothers and my sister, the boys shared one bedroom and for fourteen years, the girls shared another. My sister and I had our ups and downs as kids. There were times when we would have a line down the middle of the bedroom and she wasn’t allowed on my side and I wasn’t allowed on hers. Luckily I had the side with the door and I was able to deny her permission to cross my floor space to go in or out of the bedroom, then puff with indignation when she broke the agreement and put her foot down on my side of the room.
Yet it was this childhood time that formed the foundation of what we have today. As children, every night we talked. We talked about our day and everything that had gone right or wrong in it. We shared everything openly and freely. We kept each other’s secrets, even when we were having a scrap about whatever long forgotten issue that was important at the time. We trusted one another and we communicated. We were sisters in every sense of the word. This trust and communication continues today and is one of those things in my life of which I have certainty.
I have an excellent, loving, trusting relationship with my brothers and I also know that we would be there for each other. Somehow though, it’s not quite the same. They are guys. We didn’t share a bedroom. We didn’t share our deepest secrets night after night over all those years.
Blog•
on November 23rd, 2009•
A long weekend in Christchurch and the chance to spend time with family. The chance to note how a child has grown into a beautiful young woman and a boy has grown into an impressive young man. And its only months since I last saw them, and only a few years since they were little kids - it happens so quickly. It reminds us as a family that two little family members on the weekend, two pre-school boys, will grow, then grow up. The characteristics of men they will become are already shining through.
And so we hope that their pathway stays true and they become the men they are capable of becoming.
In every life things happen, things go wrong. It happens to us all. It can make us what we become. The difficulties and adversities we face can be the very things that strengthen us and become the springboard to us achieving special things in our lives. But when it happens when children are too young, or when it happens over and over and over so that a child is beaten down it can all be too much to endure. Sometimes the source of the pain is a teacher who shouldn’t be teaching. Sometimes it can be other children such as the 11-year old I read about today http://www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/news/christchurch/3086780/Bullying-claim-as-girl-quits-school in the Christchurch newspaper The Press. The girl felt persecuted by her entire class. They called her “the ugly bitch” and an email had suggested she kill herself. 
We all grow up with negative “stuff” in our lives. If it’s a problem then something can be done. The tangles can be untangled and we can tread the pathways we were originally intended to tread. Pain from the past can be erased in the present and negative emotions can be released. But it would be nice, wouldn’t it, if our children didn’t have to go through this in the first place? If all children could feel loved and respected and valued by their peers and the adults in their lives.